Disrupt the Cycle: In The Darkness of the Pandemic Dawns the Hope for a Cultural Awakening

“Learning is the constant disruption of an old pattern, a breakthrough that substitutes something old for something new.” – Cathy Davidson

We are alive in a very unique time, an unprecedented time. We are experiencing a deadly pandemic, a presidential administration verging on authoritarianism, social divide and injustice that backdates our nation by decades, and a shameful “we told you so” from the rest of the world as U.S. passports are blocked to enter many countries. From the two week wait-time for COVID-19 tests to nationwide layoffs, the list of unfortunate events in the U.S. has no end. It is so exhausting that eventually we just become paralyzed, not knowing where or how to start fixing this situation. That feeling of hopelessness and fatigue can be caused by depression due to unhealthy habits, or cycles of abuse.

According to Lenore E. Walker, the cycle of abuse consists of four phases: tension building, incident, reconciliation, calm. For example, tensions grow while racially biased police brutality persists. An incident follows when Trayvon Martin is shot by a neighborhood watch coordinator who followed horrific police standards. Cette vigilante George Zimmerman is arrested then acquitted, “action was taken”, creating a sense of reconciliation for the greater unknowing public. And then the news cycle calmed. But the problem of police brutality against the Black community was not properly addressed. Then again in 2014, Eric Garner was suffocated by police officers, who were fired but not prosecuted. Michael Brown was shot six times in 2014, the Department of Justice concluded that the police displayed racial bias against Brown and used excessive force but the officers were not prosecuted and were allowed to resign. 12-year old Tamir Rice was shot dead in 2014 for having a toy gun and the officer was also not prosecuted but three years later fired for lying on his job application. Walter Scott. Alton Sterling. Philando Castile. Stephon Clark. Breonna Taylor. George Floyd. Are we awake yet? This is an abusive cycle that just keeps going year after year.

As if this cycle of injustice weren’t enough, then there’s our president. Trump’s list of abusive horrors includes obstructing justice, personally profiting from his presidency, soliciting foreign interference in U.S. elections, advocating for political and police violence, engaging in reckless conduct, persecuting his political opponents, attacking the free press, violating immigrants’ right to due process, and violating campaign finance law. (More here.) His apathy towards his people is a morally bankrupt approach and outright abuse of his position. There have been many acts of abuse since he won the 2016 election, but somehow he manages to remain in office. He has caused our nation to feel like we cannot be heard and are on some constant merry-go-round, spinning and spinning. Never able to keep up. We can barely digest one outrageous act before the next occurs. This dizzying effect is actually known as The Dizzying Cycle of Narcissism. Yet another cycle of abuse we have grown accustomed to in the U.S.

What we allow is what will continue. Anyone who has experienced abuse knows that those experiences never leave you, but they can be stopped. In the U.S. today 1 in 3 women have experienced physical or sexual abuse, deaths due to drug overdose have tripled since 1990 making that more than 700,000 lives lost to drug abuse, and over 88,000 people die from alcohol-related causes annually. More here. The top three causes of death in the U.S. are tobacco, poor diet and physical inactivity, then alcohol. All forms of self-abuse often caused by other cycles of neglect or abuse. Abuse from our politicians has become expected. Abuse within our families is still rather unspoken and under the table. Abuse to ourselves is on us and unsupported by the state. In this country we have acclimated to a level of abuse that shouldn’t be tolerated.

Now I hope I’ve still got you on the line because the purpose of this article is to inspire you, not to paralyze you further. So we know the cycle of abuse, but it is important to also know that abuse comes in all sorts. There’s:

• physical, sexual
• verbal/emotional
• mental/psychological
• financial/economic
• cultural/identity abuse.

So once you recognize the abuse taking place and decide you are worth more, how do you break the cycle?

You disrupt it. Within this cycle there are three key points: thinking, feeling, and acting. If you can disrupt one of the key points, then you can disrupt the cycle. Choosing when to disrupt this cycle can be a very challenging decision, even dangerous. But the bottom line is that it will continue unless you break it. And when patterns are broken new worlds emerge. (Tuli Kupferberg)

Disrupting the cycle is vital, however then we must unpack our trauma. Have the difficult conversations that are necessary. Start taking radical responsibility for our actions and then set up and enforce boundaries. Healing takes time yes, but the work has to go in too. Time can also calcify, turning our traumas into who we are rather than something we have experienced and learned from. We must heal as a nation and as individuals.

While 2020 has been perhaps the most difficult year for the majority of the world, it has given us an opportunity. “This is the moment social justice educators have been waiting for…The topic of police violence against Black people and systematic racism is on the table in a way it hasn’t been for a generation. It’s time to put aside the test prep and build a school-to-justice pipeline.” (Rethinking Schools) We are experiencing history and it is imperative that we choose thoughtfully what role we play. America is waking up. There’s no way to pinpoint exactly why that is, but I think we can all feel that the abuse has just hit a limit and now it is time to break these cycles. This is the dawn of a cultural awakening.

Somewhere in our education we are taught to value our democracy over all else. But there is no democracy without participation. With the election coming up, LGBTQIA rights and BLM movements gaining speed, and COVID-19 causing people to question their sense of humanity, this is the time to find your role and actively participate. Use this momentum. Which key point will you choose to disrupt? Disrupt thinking patterns through your teaching. Spark more action by joining peaceful protests. Perhaps affect good feeling by giving support to those who are in need. Keep in mind this is not a short lived task. This is an era and we need to prepare ourselves to move forward with integrity as a life choice, not momentary discipline. I believe our dysfunctional rapport with abuse must be addressed as a societal value. As the topic of abuse has been on my plate for a long time, I want to share some helpful ways to break cycles of inner-negativity so that we don’t get so bogged down by the daily madness that we become paralyzed and inactive.

First I want to look at what you can do within yourself to help prepare you to face adversity. Please note that I am not a doctor or a psychologost, just someone who has done a lot of self-soothing.

1. My first, favorite, and most recurring step is returning to nature. Get some fresh air, away from city noise. Take deep breaths and just listen to the wind in the trees, maybe some birds singing, or some rustling squirrels in the bushes. Then focus on the moment. Whatever is directly around you. The details of nature are so mesmerizing in their intricacies. The amount of water in the Sound, the vastness of the mountain ranges, the life of that oh-so-symbolic bald eagle. Nature holds so much wisdom and is incredibly healing if we can be patient enough to sit and listen.
2. Sometimes the current moment is just too painful though. This is when taking the long view can be helpful. Imagine the big picture. I like to remind myself just how many other living creatures are in that picture. But by stepping back we can remove ourselves from our feelings about a situation enough to think logically about it.
3. The next step can be challenging but I encourage everyone to try it. Examine yourself as a thinker. You can read my last blog about being an übermensch to get a better idea, but in short step outside yourself and look back on the inner workings of your brain. Observe your thoughts from a higher, objective consciousness. What is the root of your negativity?
4. And finally, surround yourself with people you love and learn to let yourself laugh. In difficult times my mother always said to do what will make you happy in that moment. Then ask yourself again in the next moment, what will make me happy in this moment? Do that thing. Keep doing that until you’ve created a whole new path which leads you to your happiness.

Now I’ve got a loaded proposal here. Often after traumatic, abusive incidents some form of therapy is recommended for healing. On a personal level, such as after a sexual assault, this is widely accepted as a natural response. After major natural disasters, the effected area is tended to and community healing comes into the conversation. World-wide communities deeply affected by colonialism turn to community healing in the hopes of addressing their decades of traumas. But what about America…the Big Stick abuser? We have created such a contorted idea of culture that simultaneously puts our nation on a high horse and perpetuates internal and external abuse. Where does the healing fit into this picture and how can we end our cycles of abuse? I propose we start the cycle of healing.

What if Americans decided to address our cycles of abuse? What if we said this is enough and rather than raging out in acts of more pain we chose the path of healing? Community by community. Doing the hard ground work within ourselves, alongside our community members until we build the respect for ourselves and our fellow people enough to break our own cycles of abuse. What if we chose to act proactively and positively instead of reactionary and defensively? This country is experiencing traumatic abuse in all forms, day after day but we just let it continue. Somehow we have convinced ourselves that if we can just get through today, tomorrow will be better. Or worse, that we turn a blind eye on injustice because we don’t personally have it that bad, not standing up for those who need us to or taking the time to think how we could help.

We all need to reflect on the abuse we cause to ourselves, the abuse we tolerate from others like our politicians, and even the abuse that we unknowingly allow upon others by turning a blind-eye. This may sound dramatic but we as Americans have confused the idea of being tough and having thick skin with being desensitized. I strongly encourage you to build a sense of care in your community…at a distance of course. Check in on your neighbor, make the time to help others. But most importantly remember that we cannot help one another if we don’t help ourselves. Sleep. Eat good foods. Drink enough water. And stop tolerating madness! Speak out against those little injustices that one day grow to take on great speed. We are waking up, don’t miss out on the opportunity to turn tragedy into epic growth.

If you are currently experiencing abuse of any kind and need help, please contact one of the following hotlines for assistance. They are available 24/7, completely confidential, and free.

• National Domestic Violence Hotline
• Please Live (list of all hotlines)
• Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline
• Removing Chains (list of all hotlines)

Love is respect. Thank you for reading my thoughts. I would greatly appreciate your feedback in the comments below. Please stay safe out there, be kind to others, and wear a mask!